Sometimes... Feelings Die

I got mad.

I vented, a bit. Compared to many that I know of, I must say I don't vent out my anger that much by blogging. But I did... And I'm not that proud of it.

I'm dealing with the frustration quite well, and that's fair, seeing the amount of comfort *cough*JUNK*cough* food I've been consuming these past few days. There's also the music.

I reflected. Of course, I pondered upon the fact that it would not have happened if it wasn't partly my fault, whatever it was. That got me thinking if I was angry because I blamed the other party entirely. So that made me less mad because if I still stayed mad it would make me much more of a selfish person (Reasoning makes me sound like a 5-year-old; could it be that I'm taking the 'If you understand something you should be able to explain it to a 5-year-old' saying too seriously?)

I cried it out. One is allowed to release one's sadness, right? Just because I cried it out to a sole, close person doesn't make me a bitch. I may have shed tears in front of others but no names were mentioned, no clue at all. Just sorrow which was unfortunate enough to show itself after being crushed by anvil after anvil of life's difficulties. Being the frail, not-that-close-enough-to-God-to-be-patient-with-His-mysterious-ways kind of girl, I broke down. Not that much of a shocker. But I'll have you know I don't spread stories and rumors. If you feel like I have, it's probably the guilt surfacing- and that's totally understandable. Yes I am being slightly bitter, but it's still comprehensible.

And no, anger doesn't really equate to frowns and bitchings, though it may for some. I'm only stating the truth here- when you do something it doesn't mean others believe it's the right thing, even if they seek deep enough in their hearts. When you believe in something that much it's called conviction, and from The Fantasy's weird dialogue at the beginning of the song, conviction can make one impossibly hard-headed. Like I have conviction that God exists, and I can't believe anyone in their right minds would think otherwise; Nothing you say could convince me otherwise. See? Conviction.

I'm a sensitive person- I cry, and I suppose that shouldn't make me a bad person. But I don't have conviction in that, which is- literally- a crying shame.

P/S: I finished reading all the VK manga that's been released so far! Moe-ness!

We Are

We're a bunch of moronic idiots in many moments of our lives. Yeah you would say 'But who are YOU to judge how WE are in our lives?' and my answer would probably be 'Sod off- you moronic buffoons are obviously in denial.'

No, I'm not pissed and letting my emotions speak for me.

Maybe a bit.

Alright, maybe a LOT.

But I'm guessing it's fine. Because I had a nice, literally flowery post before, so now I'm gonna be the evil person I've been feeling since two days back. Because I found out that I was right (yet again) and it wasn't something I wanted to be right about. WHY can't I be right at something I WANT to be right at? Like, oh I dunno, PHYSICS maybe?

Maybe they're right, I should've taken Psychology. Or English Lit. Whatever it is, it seems I have a knack of sniffing out what people think before someone else decides to spill the beans to me. Though that in itself makes me look like a paranoid the first few days, it's always worth the knowledge that I was right when the truth is squeezed...

Not really. It only makes me feel worse. And it's doubly worse because the moment I get the feeling I already feel bad for thinking of something so negatively; THEN I feel bad because the thing that I thought was right was actually true, and that, instead of making my conscience feel at ease, does not even begin to take the initial guilt away; instead, it piles up.

And I do not need to be reminded of how easily I get affected by negative vibes.

I'm guessing those involved won't be reading this, but I wish you guys had more tact. Because honestly, you were keeping it from me all this time and for what? To clue me in freaking 5 days before my most terrible exam? Was that part of the plan, to make me FREAKING PHAIL?

And just as I typed that a loud-ass thunder rumbled outside. Heaven knows how pissed I am and I'm not even sure if that's a good thing.

*deep breaths*

Lord, grant me patience. Ameen.