Mati Ye (Dia) Syndrome

Mati Ye (Ye being the substitue word for dia) Syndrome is defined as the act of constantly giving reasons/excuses for not doing something for the sole purpose of not wanting to do it. It is an inside joke referring to 'heavy boneness'- in essence, it's actually referring to laziness.

Laziness itself has a wide scope. Procrastinating, running away from matters at hand, or even what you initially consider as fear itself, may actually be an indication of laziness simmering underneath your lack of actions. Frankly speaking, I've known only a handful of people who haven't showed the slightest sign of being lazy. Obviously, I'm not one of them, which is why I can write such elaborately convincing topics on the whole matter, and actually inspire such a unique name for something so... drab, so common. Being the inspiration for something inherently makes you think of a role model of said realized inspiration. And in this case, I truly feel like a role model of laziness.

Do I feel lazy?

I most certainly do not. Be it the case of utter stupiditis, denial syndrome or God-knows-wtfery of a fancy name that I have the ability to concoct, I have conviction that I am not lazy. The only logical reason (again with the reasoning and excusing), I would surmise, why one of my most beloved persons is calling me thus is because said person has not seen me in such a long time and is still reminiscing on the old times, i.e my 8-year-old ratty self, and associating that image with my current actions. Said person still remembers my late-noon morning rise-and-shine routines all those years ago, which happens only on specific days and at specific places. What the person doesn't know is the fact that I do almost all my evasive maneuvers to avoid seeing the faces of people I-have-no-idea-in-my-heart-why I can't face, and, if my unusual sleeping habits are accountable for said 'mornings', I do what I thought works in making myself more of a productive member of society. Which, apparently, isn't the case. It takes a girl a while to learn and earn her own lessons.

I DID mention earlier that conviction, more often than not, leads to stubbornness.

So I can probably blame my innate sense of 'stubbornity' for my actions now.

Which leads me back to proving my most unfortunate demise of being a bearer of the infamous Mati Ye Syndrome.

It's funny how I end up thinking I've reasoned some matters and abruptly realize that my 'flawless logic' is on a spherical track, leading me straight back to where I've started. Had I stopped earlier I would've stopped the course and proved myself right, at least for part of the journey. The unquenchable thirst of getting myself to the end, however, hastily pushes me forward to my inevitable ending, one I've foreseen SO many times and yet never seem to grasp. One I delusionally thought I could escape from, but always fail doing so. Another path charted on my perfect little sphere of delusions, whereupon each path, led by my bluntness, never stray from its course- Always going the straight way, plundering through marked paths of aforetimes, to reach its final destination. Its initial destination. The starting point.

I sometimes wonder why it is that my head spins with anticipation, words tumbling out of my consciousness, when I'm arguing something passionately with someone. My vision becomes blurry, ears ringing, orientation somewhat deteriorating. The inability to concentrate, the heave of the stomach... a familiar sense of being spun around too many times on a swivel chair. I now realize that my body is doing what I subconsciously think of my reasoning- it's actually going around in a circle.

My most beloved people are telling me to do a 180. To change my lifestyle. And to do that, I will be forced to change the essence of everything that made my lifestyle what it is-

I have to change me.

Magnetic Repellent

It's a world of science. In this ephemeral world, we are governed by many strict laws that, God willing, never change, in their course along with the flow of Time. Millions of years have nothing on these rules; many biologists claim that evolution exists (and I do believe some lifeforms evolved, only with the will of God, but not in the sense that we evolve from monkeys), which means the biological forms and rules for many lifeforms do not necessarily adhere to them forever. As much as I like studying this branch of science, it's constantly evolving, as are the creations of God- the universe as a whole.

Expansions and their coefficients drive me nuts. I'm pretty sure the expansion of the universe has some sort of a coefficient as well, a concept which I can't seem to wrap my head around, naturally, not being a superhuman with the elasticity of a rubber band, or a brain with the capacity to accommodate ideas like that- Which is probably why I have a problem with Physics as much as I do now.

I love science, I really do, and that means all three branches of it- theoretically, anyway. Back in elementary years I loved everything scientific in all my classes: the discussions, the experiments, the textbooks... everything. Then high school rolled by and my thirst of Science, which, by then, branches into the three different fields that we are all very familiar of- Chemistry, Physics, and my personal favourite, Biology- cannot be satiated by the textbooks, or amount of lecturing done, albeit the fact that I was more than a little exhausted trying to grasp Chemistry at first (all those fascinating atomic equations!). That, accompanied by the different accents of teachers each year proved not to be an educational process that happened easily, as I'm no genius, unlike many of my friends over here. And the distractions that weaved in between the years of high school student life! There were friends to talk incessantly with, gossips to be listened to, places to be something in, and of course, the inevitable crushes to be stal- *coughs* ogled at. Don't even begin to mention internet and the Glorious Grand World of MMORPGs... Yet none of these were matters of that great of an importance- at least to me, which probably gave me the undeserving 'School Genius' title- as my studies, specifically the sciences. Doing well and having more fun in English classes never quite made me as pleased with myself as struggling with new scientific formulae and terms.

Years went by, crushes and friends dissipated and disappeared to foreign countries- some lost forever, others becoming awkward strangers as the swells of Time engulfed familiar memories in the harsh, freezing-cold waters of Forgottance. Yet knowledge stays the same. The chemical formulae remained where they belong- in the books and the dusty passages of the brain, locked up by the months-long stretch of holidays, to be uncovered only by the keys held by random visits of those that sent them there in the first place- books. What are the odds of that happening during the celebratory holidays when one's high school reign ends? Not much, and as time passed by, the doors and locks became stronger and stronger, and the cries and pleadings of these precious, ebbing members of Knowledge began to ebb away. Some say they were never eliminated, waiting for the right moment to escape the prisons of Ignorance and roam free yet again in the halls of the mind. Others say they were overwhelmed by newer, unnecessary knowledge of current happenings and fickle daily matters, which, in such large numbers, eliminated them once and for all from their prisons. I'd like to believe the former as I started college life, and, holding on to that, made a personal promise to my Once Cherished and Beloved memoirs.

Here I am. I've released some, and in the process held many, MANY more captive. Unfortunately, my capturing of these always alluring, never alluding prisoners would seemingly have no end and continue to increase in the next decade or so, and most of their escapes, aided and abetted by me, proved to be futile.

My strongest prison walls seem to hold the Physics members captive. Possibly due to the lack of good teaching strategies and an abundance of weird lilting accents, and most definitely the complexity of Mathematics that accompanied them, these captives remain in what seems to be the Guantanamo Bay of my brain. And yes, I am aware of the fact that the current president of the United States of America banished that facility recently, but that does not keep me or the rest of the world from referring to it as one of the worst detention facilities that have existed in the modern world.

I'm trying to release them, once and for all. I'm pretty sure no one has ever done such a feat, but it seems wrong for such beneficial, innocent matters to be held captive in such a way by weak, fickle prisonguards for the mere reason of being outnumbered! One may say that this is the natural course of things, but I also believe that it's the natural course of things to learn and retain every moment of life, which is why we only use around 3% of our brain's potential. The rest MUST have been made for retaining stuff. And, like all mysteries of the universe, there has to be an ultimate solution of unlocking that, which we have yet to find out.

Currently, I will be more than satisfied just to release some of these newfound facts for the duration of four days, in time for them to do some good in my finals.

Lord Almighty, help me in my noble quest...

10 Things I Want To Do But Can't Until I Graduate

10. Brag about having been through university

9. Travel across Europe

8. Join World of Warcraft

7. Burn all my Physics and Maths notes (textbooks are too expensive in the first place)

6. Spend every day of a week in a different theme park (by that time we'd hopefully have enough)

5. Roadtrip, with a short air travel period for the two Borneo states, throughout the country - where I ACTUALLY drive for at least a quarter of the journey

4. Treat the whole family in a relatively expensive place

3. Become a fully-qualified doctor

2. Give a part of my salary to my parents even though they probably won't need it!

1. Cry over an achievement that had seemed impossible

Wutta Weak Week

... No, I am not making funny birdlike sounds. That's the description of my academic *cough* week.

A flu+cough+fever+red tide combo all bunched in one and whaddya get? A WEAKWEEK!

But seriously, that's not all that made me weak. I've noticed that as I get sicker, my mind refuses to process more than a bite of cheese at a time. Thus, I am compelled to stick to delicacies less flavorful and aromatic; more... well, more nothing really. More bland, probably. Which totally explains why I've been going on YouTube and watching sxephil and jamesatwar?

Not likely.

But it does motivate me to get work done later on (case in point: I'm through with my MATHEMATICS assignment! Now I only have to do a ton of physics and some sketchbooks of Bio Lab sketches and I'm doooone!). That's always good, though right now, I really should be focused on studying my ass off for the finals. Which would determine... well, practically everything. And I think I'd hate for the people I love the most to be disappointed- and the list doesn't actually happen to include me by a long shot.

When you really want something you strive and work at it until you get it, right?
Which is why I'm thinking of not going on my computer at least every other day. As airheaded as that sounds (I mean, c'mon, a LOT of people here don't use computers except for Computer classes and on weekends to check the ever-so-unfathomable friendster hype!), it's a huge leap for Lavkind. Because Lav does NOT desert her laptop ever since she got him. Yes, him: My sleek, dark and handsome HP, non-wizard version.

Off of my beautiful laptop, I think I had a very interesting day/week. Had the craziest session of Physics Lab, which is saying something since I'm already grouped with two very not-so-sane-yet-awesome girls in the lab anyways; gravity's not the only thing we get down to on those crazy days...
Today I had the pleasure of meeting a couple of, shall I say, opinionated guys, with whom I've had the opportunity to discuss and digress a lot of issues with. It's lovely to have such a refreshing talk about so many sensitive matters with strange men without getting bombarded by puerile retorts every few minutes. And they were actually funny. Of course, I ended up in a coughing fit, leading me to ponder, again, if I had talked the right schtick. (I don't say shit. Oops. *eyeroll*)

So the every-other-day 'Laptop Act' will start after the supposed highlight of next week, which would hopefully kick-start a brand new energetic weak- week, sorry- in its place.

And then I get the ultimate treat: to go HOME <3