I got mad.
I vented, a bit. Compared to many that I know of, I must say I don't vent out my anger that much by blogging. But I did... And I'm not that proud of it.
I'm dealing with the frustration quite well, and that's fair, seeing the amount of comfort *cough*JUNK*cough* food I've been consuming these past few days. There's also the music.
I reflected. Of course, I pondered upon the fact that it would not have happened if it wasn't partly my fault, whatever it was. That got me thinking if I was angry because I blamed the other party entirely. So that made me less mad because if I still stayed mad it would make me much more of a selfish person (Reasoning makes me sound like a 5-year-old; could it be that I'm taking the 'If you understand something you should be able to explain it to a 5-year-old' saying too seriously?)
I cried it out. One is allowed to release one's sadness, right? Just because I cried it out to a sole, close person doesn't make me a bitch. I may have shed tears in front of others but no names were mentioned, no clue at all. Just sorrow which was unfortunate enough to show itself after being crushed by anvil after anvil of life's difficulties. Being the frail, not-that-close-enough-to-God-to-be-patient-with-His-mysterious-ways kind of girl, I broke down. Not that much of a shocker. But I'll have you know I don't spread stories and rumors. If you feel like I have, it's probably the guilt surfacing- and that's totally understandable. Yes I am being slightly bitter, but it's still comprehensible.
And no, anger doesn't really equate to frowns and bitchings, though it may for some. I'm only stating the truth here- when you do something it doesn't mean others believe it's the right thing, even if they seek deep enough in their hearts. When you believe in something that much it's called conviction, and from The Fantasy's weird dialogue at the beginning of the song, conviction can make one impossibly hard-headed. Like I have conviction that God exists, and I can't believe anyone in their right minds would think otherwise; Nothing you say could convince me otherwise. See? Conviction.
I'm a sensitive person- I cry, and I suppose that shouldn't make me a bad person. But I don't have conviction in that, which is- literally- a crying shame.
P/S: I finished reading all the VK manga that's been released so far! Moe-ness!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Sometimes... Feelings Die
Short Reality Un-Check!
Say hi to Ichijou Takuma, a noble-class vampire who also happens to be an embodiment of Prince Charming - corteous, well-mannered, hardworking and, of course, charming. He's my anime character of the month! I've actually liked him for months now, even before the anime came out (I didn't know he was blonde then, since manga is b&w and he doesn't adorn the covers as far as I'm concerned, which is a crying shame). I always thought he was the most appealing Night Class attendant.
But anyway, fellow VKers would probably ask, 'Why not Kuran Kaname? or Zero?' Well why the bloody hell not not them? I do have quite a huge-ass crush on Kuran Kaname, but unless you're not a girl (or a guy with that preference) and a huge fan of Zero, who doesn't? He's like... rice to most Asian people, as he is to most female (and a few male) VKers- we gotta have him! Then there's the main dish accompanying that, and mine just so happens to be Ichijou-senpai. Yay!
ANYWAYS, he's like Tamaki from Ouran, but more elite (yes, REALLY) and less nonsensical. I'm guessing for a human, Tamaki is as heroic as he is- Ichijo just doesn't do as many idiotic things as Tamaki. Plus, if they were to meet in anime world I'm pretty sure a lot of people would say they're long-lost twins!
Vampire Knight is just full of fantastic non-existent eye-candy...
Is Ichijo really one of the tallest? I thought it was Akatsuki... Apart from the overlapping feet, this person has done a great job assembling all the characters who matter in one picture!
Back to reading. Unbelievable.
THE CAKE IS A LIE !!1!1
An Internet meme is simply the propagation of a digital file or hyperlink from one person to others using methods available through the Internet (for example, email, blogs, social networking sites, instant messaging, et cetera). The content often consists of a saying or joke, a rumor, an altered or original image, a complete website, a video clip or animation, or an offbeat news story, among many other possibilities. An Internet meme may stay the same or may evolve over time, by chance or through commentary, imitations, and parody versions, or even by collecting news accounts about itself. Internet memes have a tendency to evolve and spread extremely quickly, sometimes going in and out of popularity in a matter of days. They are spread organically, voluntarily, and peer to peer, rather than by compulsion, predetermined path, or completely automated means.
To put it simply, let's hand out some examples of famous memes you're bound to have come across sometime before. Some may be stills of a video, but they illustrate the... thing... that they're supposed to be.
Chris Crocker's 'Leave Britney Alone' video... Lol, I have yet to see the full thing.
The concept of getting RickRoll'd (I still don't get it!)
Lol-rus?
He's supposed to move, but I can't find a .gif of one
LEEEEEEROOOOOYYYY JENKINS! My personal fave ;)
The O RLY? Owl
Lolcatz, probably one of the most varied memes of all time- and the cutest!So there you have it; a few examples of internet memes. I'm not sure if Philip DeFranco's an internet meme, but that would be so awesome. Even if he has a girlfriend already.
Oh and I'm now addicted to Shaycarl and his family! They're hilarious!
Basically, these, bar the screamers, are all that I do when I'm on one of my 'breaks'. I've become quite the YouTube addict, but only when it comes to viewing. For more reasons than necessary I do not 'YouTube' in the sense that I upload home-made vids or VLogs- I mean, why would I? Blogging can be quite a handful in itself. Either that or I now officially suck at typing my heart out.
More blogs with essence and meaning after February, I guess =)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Over and Out
w00T! Goodbye Physics!
In the spirit of knowledge, I should not be saying that because Physics is literally everywhere and should remain close at heart but seriously, who would believe me if I said I 'feel' that?
I'm gonna have some celebratory cake and continue with the rest of revision.
My throat itches...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tattooes Gone Physical
Thank you Google Images~!Then of course, they would gain notoriety in less than a fortnight, and responsible people would get a whiff of them, track them down, sue them and force them to close down.
Nothing worth it is ever easy ^^
More Emotional Posts... Yay!
Mom called me again and told me that she was praying for my success in the exams, as she constantly does. Yes, I'm studying and yes, I'm trying my best. Case in point, I'm staying up! Of course, that's a little unfair because I'm nocturnal anyway. But that doesn't matter to Mom; what matters is I'm studying hard and trying my best!
Anywho, as she was talking I was all 'Mom, Mom,' to which she was like 'Yes dear?' and I was all...
'When you pray for me, do you ask God to make me a doctor... or just make me successful in anything I end up doing?'
She told me what I wanted to hear.
And I feel tons better right now, and can face Physics with a smile on my face.
Thank you God, for my wonderful Mom and family.
I can almost cry now lol :)
We Are
We're a bunch of moronic idiots in many moments of our lives. Yeah you would say 'But who are YOU to judge how WE are in our lives?' and my answer would probably be 'Sod off- you moronic buffoons are obviously in denial.'
No, I'm not pissed and letting my emotions speak for me.
Maybe a bit.
Alright, maybe a LOT.
But I'm guessing it's fine. Because I had a nice, literally flowery post before, so now I'm gonna be the evil person I've been feeling since two days back. Because I found out that I was right (yet again) and it wasn't something I wanted to be right about. WHY can't I be right at something I WANT to be right at? Like, oh I dunno, PHYSICS maybe?
Maybe they're right, I should've taken Psychology. Or English Lit. Whatever it is, it seems I have a knack of sniffing out what people think before someone else decides to spill the beans to me. Though that in itself makes me look like a paranoid the first few days, it's always worth the knowledge that I was right when the truth is squeezed...
Not really. It only makes me feel worse. And it's doubly worse because the moment I get the feeling I already feel bad for thinking of something so negatively; THEN I feel bad because the thing that I thought was right was actually true, and that, instead of making my conscience feel at ease, does not even begin to take the initial guilt away; instead, it piles up.
And I do not need to be reminded of how easily I get affected by negative vibes.
I'm guessing those involved won't be reading this, but I wish you guys had more tact. Because honestly, you were keeping it from me all this time and for what? To clue me in freaking 5 days before my most terrible exam? Was that part of the plan, to make me FREAKING PHAIL?
And just as I typed that a loud-ass thunder rumbled outside. Heaven knows how pissed I am and I'm not even sure if that's a good thing.
*deep breaths*
Lord, grant me patience. Ameen.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
February Song
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find my ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
Sung by Josh Groban
Magnetic Repellent
It's a world of science. In this ephemeral world, we are governed by many strict laws that, God willing, never change, in their course along with the flow of Time. Millions of years have nothing on these rules; many biologists claim that evolution exists (and I do believe some lifeforms evolved, only with the will of God, but not in the sense that we evolve from monkeys), which means the biological forms and rules for many lifeforms do not necessarily adhere to them forever. As much as I like studying this branch of science, it's constantly evolving, as are the creations of God- the universe as a whole.
Expansions and their coefficients drive me nuts. I'm pretty sure the expansion of the universe has some sort of a coefficient as well, a concept which I can't seem to wrap my head around, naturally, not being a superhuman with the elasticity of a rubber band, or a brain with the capacity to accommodate ideas like that- Which is probably why I have a problem with Physics as much as I do now.
I love science, I really do, and that means all three branches of it- theoretically, anyway. Back in elementary years I loved everything scientific in all my classes: the discussions, the experiments, the textbooks... everything. Then high school rolled by and my thirst of Science, which, by then, branches into the three different fields that we are all very familiar of- Chemistry, Physics, and my personal favourite, Biology- cannot be satiated by the textbooks, or amount of lecturing done, albeit the fact that I was more than a little exhausted trying to grasp Chemistry at first (all those fascinating atomic equations!). That, accompanied by the different accents of teachers each year proved not to be an educational process that happened easily, as I'm no genius, unlike many of my friends over here. And the distractions that weaved in between the years of high school student life! There were friends to talk incessantly with, gossips to be listened to, places to be something in, and of course, the inevitable crushes to be stal- *coughs* ogled at. Don't even begin to mention internet and the Glorious Grand World of MMORPGs... Yet none of these were matters of that great of an importance- at least to me, which probably gave me the undeserving 'School Genius' title- as my studies, specifically the sciences. Doing well and having more fun in English classes never quite made me as pleased with myself as struggling with new scientific formulae and terms.
Years went by, crushes and friends dissipated and disappeared to foreign countries- some lost forever, others becoming awkward strangers as the swells of Time engulfed familiar memories in the harsh, freezing-cold waters of Forgottance. Yet knowledge stays the same. The chemical formulae remained where they belong- in the books and the dusty passages of the brain, locked up by the months-long stretch of holidays, to be uncovered only by the keys held by random visits of those that sent them there in the first place- books. What are the odds of that happening during the celebratory holidays when one's high school reign ends? Not much, and as time passed by, the doors and locks became stronger and stronger, and the cries and pleadings of these precious, ebbing members of Knowledge began to ebb away. Some say they were never eliminated, waiting for the right moment to escape the prisons of Ignorance and roam free yet again in the halls of the mind. Others say they were overwhelmed by newer, unnecessary knowledge of current happenings and fickle daily matters, which, in such large numbers, eliminated them once and for all from their prisons. I'd like to believe the former as I started college life, and, holding on to that, made a personal promise to my Once Cherished and Beloved memoirs.
Here I am. I've released some, and in the process held many, MANY more captive. Unfortunately, my capturing of these always alluring, never alluding prisoners would seemingly have no end and continue to increase in the next decade or so, and most of their escapes, aided and abetted by me, proved to be futile.
My strongest prison walls seem to hold the Physics members captive. Possibly due to the lack of good teaching strategies and an abundance of weird lilting accents, and most definitely the complexity of Mathematics that accompanied them, these captives remain in what seems to be the Guantanamo Bay of my brain. And yes, I am aware of the fact that the current president of the United States of America banished that facility recently, but that does not keep me or the rest of the world from referring to it as one of the worst detention facilities that have existed in the modern world.
I'm trying to release them, once and for all. I'm pretty sure no one has ever done such a feat, but it seems wrong for such beneficial, innocent matters to be held captive in such a way by weak, fickle prisonguards for the mere reason of being outnumbered! One may say that this is the natural course of things, but I also believe that it's the natural course of things to learn and retain every moment of life, which is why we only use around 3% of our brain's potential. The rest MUST have been made for retaining stuff. And, like all mysteries of the universe, there has to be an ultimate solution of unlocking that, which we have yet to find out.
Currently, I will be more than satisfied just to release some of these newfound facts for the duration of four days, in time for them to do some good in my finals.
Lord Almighty, help me in my noble quest...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Happy Birthday... Are You Lonely Yet?
I am 20.
God. I'm actually closer to 20-and-a-day.
And I love my friends. Really. Because up until now I've had two surprises, one pre- and one on my birthday.
Granted it hasn't been the most smashing week of my life, if not literally, if you take into account the amount of time I spend wavering between this realm and the next but yeah. I have some wonderful people to thank for some seriously good moments to remember in -bleeep-. And, more importantly, some SERIOUSLY good food. Of course, one may want to assume that it is very fickle of me to regard food as a matter outweighing precious moments in themselves but hey, food lasts as long as a moment but tends to be more satisfying... in that moment anyway. And what do moments do, pray tell?
Make us weepy and mushy in our times of reminiscence, that's what. So it's hardly worth the time debating whether scrumptious, delectable food that do not really stick to your conscience should be appreciated more than moments. Which also need great food to complement them fully as a moment worth remembering anyway. But of course, one tends to get carried away with one's own opinions; there are many that I know of who regard food as simply... food. A four-lettered word with hardly no insight whatsoever other than providing the required nutrients we need to be nourished, healthy and possibly live longer. I envy these people, but more often than not pity them. I also do respect their opinions and hear their side, but of course, in Lavland it's *almost* all about the food =)
Which is why I'm writing about food more than what matters most when it comes to birthdays- deeper insights on things that matter most pertaining to a supposedly higher depth of maturity that comes with the process of aging. Other than puberty, however, I have yet to see solid proof that our brain cells conduct our actions in a more 'adult' manner as the clock chimes at midnight, announcing the exact anniversary of our arrival those few precocious years ago. Frankly, we should all agree that aging comes with experience, and not age.
I love birthdays in the sense that with modern technology and the coming of better and more developed ways to communicate with one another across the world, we who have the resources to do so, have a valid reason to contact ones who have been separated and discommunicated with us from years ago... out of awkwardness or lack of subjects to bring up in conversations, for the most part. A simple 'Happy Birthday!' on the Facebook wall could trigger a LOT of memories, leading to a deluge of questions and a barrage of back-and-forth comments that effectively reconnect old ties in an indirectly less awkward situation. Thus birthdays are a fine time to say 'hi' to an old friend of yours you've been dying to hear more of but are too clueless to bring something up with. And that is a truly remarkable gift that need not be sent to you in glossy wrapping paper or with an accompanying slice of cake (though that DOES sound better) for you to appreciate.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Misconstrued
It's funny how long elation can last. I wrote this yesterday, after the event that made me happiest in a while which faded within moments of arrival back here. However, every time I look back upon the effort it took for our darling juniors to make us happy, and in particular the surprise they gave me, which made me so happy I almost cried.... It hurts my heart, in a good way. I do wish they've been given more gratitude because I don't think it would be enough unless I've thrown a surprise party to each and every one involved in the event.
It's enough that I know what I'm talking about lol. Anyways, here's to misconstruing life.
Misconstrued
Every moment of life
The most elated, particularly
Flies to naught but recession
Ticking times and chiming bells
Laughter, smiles, grins, they all
Fade
To black
An abyss of disappointment
All the hues of yellow bright and blue sky
In the end, to be marred,
That is how it’s willed.
Long before a moment is decided
Know that it will end
Too soon, much,
Too large, too epic
Slipped by the hands of time and
Memories
Come dark worries
Replace.
Bright turquoise green pink brown of chocolate white of pearly smiles
Come and go
Share and prepare
To be rescinded; more winded;
Life’s nothing hindered
Everything goes on
Transforms
Then something that wasn’t
Is
The moment to be faced.
Swallow it in.
Wallow in it.
In addition, I'd like to thank a very special someone for giving me an arse-lift out of my almost consistent predicament just recently. I appreciate every syllable and encouraging hug, and you should know that, woman ^^
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Warble Warble.
Tired. And bushed
SO much that I can't bother
to put myself to bed and wished
I'd done more than just shower.
I've got three assignments
to complete by Thursday but
I think I'll pass; arrangements
will be made once I'm in a rut.
Looking up and staring down
Got a smile in my perpetual frown...
I'll give you a stare and say 'Who cares?'
When you feed me bull 'bout slacking off;
In truth, I do... Shot many glares
at myself while I scoff...
At myself.
That made the last line rhyme.
I hate it when i force-rhyme;
Free-styling is my strength...
When I'm inspired.
And right now I'm in dire
need of inspiration and
motivation.
None of the talks tonight inspired
or motivated me, for that matter.
I feel sorry and all
but they've got to know when bed calls,
no fancy talk beats idle chatter
and whines about how tired we are, and
how thirsty and hungry we are, and
the amount of eye-rolling,
and all the sighing,
will eventually amplify to be louder.
So don't sound us off for getting madder.
That's my recap of the day which
would make sense to naught but me.
I thanks myself for the structure
my tired mind imposed on me.
Me. Me. Mememe.
I start almost every post with 'I'. I feel like an overly-selfish woman. I should always find ways NOT to start a sentence with I, because it's proven to be a blinking neon sign that points to a person's selfish mannerism.
More research is required.
And I'm already too damn tired.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
10 Things I Want To Do But Can't Until I Graduate
10. Brag about having been through university
9. Travel across Europe
8. Join World of Warcraft
7. Burn all my Physics and Maths notes (textbooks are too expensive in the first place)
6. Spend every day of a week in a different theme park (by that time we'd hopefully have enough)
5. Roadtrip, with a short air travel period for the two Borneo states, throughout the country - where I ACTUALLY drive for at least a quarter of the journey
4. Treat the whole family in a relatively expensive place
3. Become a fully-qualified doctor
2. Give a part of my salary to my parents even though they probably won't need it!
1. Cry over an achievement that had seemed impossible
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wutta Weak Week
... No, I am not making funny birdlike sounds. That's the description of my academic *cough* week.
A flu+cough+fever+red tide combo all bunched in one and whaddya get? A WEAKWEEK!
But seriously, that's not all that made me weak. I've noticed that as I get sicker, my mind refuses to process more than a bite of cheese at a time. Thus, I am compelled to stick to delicacies less flavorful and aromatic; more... well, more nothing really. More bland, probably. Which totally explains why I've been going on YouTube and watching sxephil and jamesatwar?
Not likely.
But it does motivate me to get work done later on (case in point: I'm through with my MATHEMATICS assignment! Now I only have to do a ton of physics and some sketchbooks of Bio Lab sketches and I'm doooone!). That's always good, though right now, I really should be focused on studying my ass off for the finals. Which would determine... well, practically everything. And I think I'd hate for the people I love the most to be disappointed- and the list doesn't actually happen to include me by a long shot.
When you really want something you strive and work at it until you get it, right?
Which is why I'm thinking of not going on my computer at least every other day. As airheaded as that sounds (I mean, c'mon, a LOT of people here don't use computers except for Computer classes and on weekends to check the ever-so-unfathomable friendster hype!), it's a huge leap for Lavkind. Because Lav does NOT desert her laptop ever since she got him. Yes, him: My sleek, dark and handsome HP, non-wizard version.
Off of my beautiful laptop, I think I had a very interesting day/week. Had the craziest session of Physics Lab, which is saying something since I'm already grouped with two very not-so-sane-yet-awesome girls in the lab anyways; gravity's not the only thing we get down to on those crazy days...
Today I had the pleasure of meeting a couple of, shall I say, opinionated guys, with whom I've had the opportunity to discuss and digress a lot of issues with. It's lovely to have such a refreshing talk about so many sensitive matters with strange men without getting bombarded by puerile retorts every few minutes. And they were actually funny. Of course, I ended up in a coughing fit, leading me to ponder, again, if I had talked the right schtick. (I don't say shit. Oops. *eyeroll*)
So the every-other-day 'Laptop Act' will start after the supposed highlight of next week, which would hopefully kick-start a brand new energetic weak- week, sorry- in its place.
And then I get the ultimate treat: to go HOME <3
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
15 Minutes...
...to a quiz and I'm blogging. God help me.
I realize that I need to write more insightful items in here but writing is not something I persist in doing nowadays, due to many reasons, most of which I find intolerable. Like how I think I should stop trying to write quality stuff as often as I did back in high school because I believe it would deviate me from my current goal. But how does such a pleasurable pastime, which has become part of me throughout my life, affect a lifetime ambition? I mean, it's totally possible for them to intermingle and not affect each other in a bad way right? And why the heck am I using loose terms like 'a bad way' when there are so many other words that sound and describe how I'm feeling a whole lot better?
It's raining very heavily. The cool air grabs my attention from the current crisis at hand (QUIZ) and chucks it onto more fickle matters (BED+SLEEP).
I needa go. Possible update later.
The Discovery of Spoonerism Got Me Nowhere...
I've been told (and telling myself) that I have a very, very short attention span.
Do I really?
Before I go there, let me just say that this may well be -
No. Let's not get all angsty and sixteen right now. Though I loved being sixteen, and the angst that came with it, and the-
Argh. And while typing this I proved my point.
Forget what actually causes the red tide; be it dinoflagellate or red algae blooms, it causes severe irritation inside womankind and, possibly, the ones around them. You don't need to jump in to know how the wrath of the little microscopic beings would affect your body. Itching? Possible death due to intoxication? Can red tides actually intoxicate?
Oh, yes! Thinking of dead fishes, that reminds me...
THIS little bugger:
shares my attention span~!
I love you Mr Goldfish <3
And now to tidy up on my assignment. Ew.
Oh. As a random P.S, this WAS a random update so my blog won't appear too outdated lol.
And I cherish the coming of Fab February for a LOT of reasons, the main one being I'm one month closer to coming home! Yatta~!
.bmp)
