u.u

Steak and black pepper gravy with mashed potatoes.

I want you.

*faints*

It's already June!

College life is getting harder.

The dramas are piling up twice as much as the workload.

And I have a very troubling stomach problem that compels me to head to the toilet after almost every heavy meal. I wouldn't mind half as much if it's contributing to any kind of weight loss on my behalf, really.

Eurgh.

So Many Changes, So Little Time...!

I'm going nuts here.

My hair's changed, drastically.

So have my eyes (albeit VERY temporarily, or so I hope).

My bank account was more filled than it had been in many months, only to be emptied within the range of a few days to its normal... aerated... state.

My cozy, tiny little room over at my aunt's, which actually happen to be her son's, is now filled with stuff that are haphazardly packed and (sorta) ready to go. But that's only half of all that I intend to bring x.x

I'm excited. Because of that, I'm scared crapless. Nothing good ever came out of being too excited about something, in my case- except for vacations in RT.

Arghh! I'm confused!

I've also been playing Tradewinds Legends and finished the game thrice already in less than a week; then I started replaying Talismania Deluxe. One of my loves, Maxtor HDD, has been nestling in his little place in the antique laptop bag for quite a while now. All because someone keeps delaying the delivery of my items back to me, and that includes that useful multi-plug multi-socket extension thingymajig. Grrr...

I shall remember not to prioritize my (future) boyfriend over my other obligations and duties >.>

My littlest brother, the littlest of them all, turned 8 3 days ago! So a happy belated to him! (I wasn't able to do a specific post in his honor on the day itself since I've been busy as feck)!

And I smell like a saloon. Fortunately it's a nice smell to me, and is not causing any more allergic reactions.

Seems like everyone's feeling confused and terribly out-of-order this past week... Hopefully the next week will turn out better for the most of us.

Supplements... Zzzz... Second day of tidal waves...

My First Time Ever...!

That's right, boys and girls. I finally did it.

That thing that made me go 'gaga' and feel all socially inadequate since most other people have experienced it.

...Not that, you pervert.



I watched two movies at the cinema back to back tonight!

One movie to amp up your adrenaline in the evening is enough to keep your thoughts racing throughout the night (or otherwise- for people who have different tendencies, i.e get exhausted by sensory overload and sleep like a log immediately after). This, however, was comprised of TWO predicted-mega-blockbusters back-to-back and, needless to say, they were action-packed.

No, that's not it. Action-packed is an understatement.

I acted like a kid who just went on her first rollercoaster ride: All proud, like she had finally gotten the pass to a real adult's form of exhilarating entertainment.

And my tickets were sponsored, which really iced the cake ;)

Ice Skating Woes

I've only skated on ice thrice in my life; all those sessions amounting up to no more than 10 hours.

Suffice to say I'm not the best skater out there; but over here where there's only one known place to skate, I'm not the worst either. In fact, I can pretty much glide as smoothly as seasoned skaters if I had my PIC with me to hold my right hand.

Unfortunately, said PIC is nowhere to be found, cutting all forms of contact so that I can't even begin to stalk her. One begins to wonder what happened as one recalls the pivotal moment of one's life that second time on ice *insert drool face here*...

If only my life were made out of miracles, I'd be able to see my dream guy again and this time initiate some form of contact with him. But He has other plans for me, rather than making me fall in love with some perfect-looking dude clad in black who skates with the grace of a swan and seemed to have walked out one of my dreams...


Anywho.

I wish I could skate after this whole fiasco is done with...

A Multitude of Gratitude

For these people who have stuck with me in all their pixellated glory...

NM. For sticking with me throughout the years, even after quite some time of losing contact, and picking up right where we left off effortlessly. And for those god ol' days when I could actually communicate with you in a non-pixellated way, BFF!

NC. For always being there when I need you, and being so much of a determined, passionate genius that you became an inspiration.

R. For your cuteness, R-rated language and angelic looks. And all those times you cheered me up, even if they were crude.

FO. For always trying to be there for me. And for that time I wailed to you on the phone. It must've been hard...

EJ. For still being there, even if your existence is hardly more than smoke these days. And those phone calls. I'm sure if I poked you right...

SB. For your creative artwork, your generous helpings of cheer and your constant concern. And of course, your loyalty.

Colleges

A friend of mine is planning to join Gonville & Caius, pronounced as 'Keys', located at the high-end world of academics known as Cambridge. THE Cambridge.

I really want to join you, genius friend. But let's be real here, I don't really have the 'Key' ingredient to even qualify as an applicant. Cambridge, in and of itself, is already such a wonderfully out-of-reach target. But one of the HARDEST college to get into within such an imposing institution?

Sometimes you can feel so bashed and stupid by such kind gestures lol.

I'm pretty sure Goneville & Chaos would love to have me as their newest member though.


*************************************************************************************


My world is collapsing in on me.

Otou-san, Okaa-san... be strong. For everyone.

Now, wait a sec

... What?!

And...

WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL DID I HAVE TO BE ALLERGIC TO PAINKILLERS?!?!?!???!

...

Well.



I made a new friend over six months ago. For privacy reasons, I shall call her Abby Seis*.

Our bond grew with each passing moment, and was apparent as she continued increasing in size due to the time we spent together.

Month by month, she swelled. Grew rounder...



Yet I knew it wasn't right.

And though we have been together for so long, I often felt discomfort with her around.

I have tried hiding her, but to no avail.

She kept increasing in size...

Hindering me from normal activities.

Becoming an eyesore to some who noticed.



This afternoon, I took the painful decision to bring her along with me to the only group of people who could remove her presence from my sight, and sever our bond once and for all.

I felt so, very numb as she was distanced from me...

It pained me so badly that I can't even look at her as we separated.



I am now bereft of her companionship, with only stitches and a huge gauzed mess left as the reminder of our time together.

Goodbye, Abby Seis. You are sorely missed...




Literally.



*Not its real name.

Where's the Nearest Trattoria?

FETTUCINE!

So the past few days since I retrieved my most useful, multi-socketed-multi-plug extension cord from my other aunt's house saw me going through a lot of DORAMA. It's turned me back into the Nightstalker that I was. Not that waking up early is an option here, even when I decide to turn in early. It's like a curse; I don't feel comfortable venturing out of my room, especially to get food. Even though they don't really mind that I'm contributing a lot to minimize wastage of food on their behalf. Sadly, being naturally inclined to have a variety of food in vast quantities, I found their stocks too dismal for my liking, despite the awesome hospitality (and ACed room, a Godsend in this hot and sweaty climate).

But back to the dorama.

I started watching Kurosagi. Got distracted at second or third episode. Watched Bambino yesterday night and finished the whole series early today, the proceedings of which accounted for my bedtime of 6 00 in the morning. I then got up to fulfil my duties, went back to bed and was woken up by my Grandmother on the phone about fifteen minutes shy of ten o'clock. Apparently my adorable baby cousin needed some remedies from the village people to cure his 'ailment', and she was adamant that it was a total emergency and that she needed to return with him and Grandfather before noon to get him there in time.

Oh really? I never knew babies with fever and a sore throat required special healing practices at the countryside to cure them... What ever happened to good ol' 'Plenty of rest, liquids and take your medications precisely as indicated?'

I snored her away; unfortunately not before she got a few words in on that.

DOLCE!

An hour or so later I got a call from a good friend who was terribly helpful in getting all sorts of written documents for me from my *past* university. I woke up a bit more whilst talking to her. As soon as she hung up to return to her class, my consciousness evaded me and I sunk back into Dreamland.

The shrill ringtone on my primitive cell jolted me awake from fluffy candy clouds to a call from an aunt from Mom's side, and in our conversation concluded that I was saved from renewing my L license from scratch, at least for the next 3 months. But I have an exam next week, which means I can't go back in the near future to get this whole 'driving thing' over with as soon as I
would like it to be.

Ah, phooey.

PESCATORA!

I need to watch more dorama. With an exam coming up, possibly another driving exam following shortly afterwards and then the entry to a new episode of Uni life, right now all I can think about is escaping reality and enjoying other people's elaborate (acted) lives on screen.

What a masochist.

However, watching Bambino had its advantages. I picked up on a few more Japanese words and Italian ones. YUMMY Italian ones.

Ano...

Eto...

... Seen them anywhere?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To my little sister who turned 10 a day ago, and still remains the most responsible out of us all. You're a real diamond!

I <3 you mucho!

Random Listy Update!

~Nickelodeon made a show combining Jimmy Neutron and Fairly Odd Parents and it was kickass! Timmy and Cosmo look really weird as 3D characters though =P

~I might be getting my license soon. In advance, I'd like to say I pity my future driving instructor for the torture he'll have to put up with.

~Currently, I am craving these food(s?):

• Cream puffs (like the ones you get from Beard Papa. Is that of one word or two words' length?)
• Beef Yakiniku from Sushi King, and the other sushis and set meals I had there
• Cheesecakes from Secret Recipe

~I watched Zettai Kareshi yesterday, and finished the whole series in about 7/8 hours straight, stopping only for toilet breaks and the occasional summons from my aunt. I don't think I'll be reviewing it, since there are other great reviews on it hovering around the Web but it was definitely a unique J-Drama (or any kind of drama for that matter) and the acting was great! It's worth a watch and starts getting cliffy nearly halfway.

~Got my 3rd marriage proposal recently. Gotta love my flirty friends.

~Wondering... Who's Bob Dylan?

~Got in contact again with my BFF from AD! Loving it; started contacting other friends as well.

~Realized that one of my online buddies is a genius who memorized pi to the 640th power. I always knew he was smart, but...!

~Started reading Robin Hobb's book Renegade Magic during my late mornings, when I can barely get out of bed. Barely made it past 50 pages after two days. Brilliant writing, but not really my cup of tea. Maybe it's too early to tell?

~Sepulchre by Kate Mosse (not the model...) is quite a good read, albeit too smart. I should've had a dictionary in hand while reading it. Kudos to the writer for her amazing usage of English words... and French. And her imagination, of course.

~I miss that kiddy book I read before leaving RT... Charlie's Nightmare? A Nightmare Academy book, which I'm pretty sure will be/is already a series.

~Did my mental development halt when I was 11 years old?

~The Shichida Method... *shudders*

The Phone Call from Raudhah...

Dad just called me from Madinah, and now I've got tears in my eyes.

When did he get so... aged? So fragile, sensitive? When did he start giving into sorrow so easily?

It felt like yesterday when we considered him the strictest father alive, with the whole 'botol kicap' incident and 'double punishment'- one for little bro, one for me- whenever lil bro failed to learn something with me. Though his strict demeanor can never be abolished by even half of what it was a decade ago, he has become much calmer, more tolerant; and now I feel like a spoilt brat.

It's funny how sad he makes me when he's not yelling or giving me harsh advice. Gentle words of advice, and well-wishes; reminders of how much they love me and hope I do better; dhu'a for my success... Those touch me more than a slap that can propel me ten feet backwards.

When we were much, much younger, we used to think our father got mad at our failures because he doesn't care.

When we were much, much, younger, we used to think his punishments towards our ill behaviour were purely mean.

When we were much,much younger, we used to think that he didn't love us enough to keep himself from scolding and punishing us with stricter means than the other dads...

And now we're older.

I'm older.

And I understand now that nothing could change how my father shows his love towards his cherished, beloved children, and the sacrifices he's made for us.

I understand now that though other dads may have never laid a hand on their children to correct them, it would probably not be best for the bunch of innately, slightly stubborn children that we were- that I definitely was. Am. Ever so slightly.

I understand now what it means when I first heard the words 'We punish you because we love you...'

I've never gone through a more emotional period in my whole life.

A Tribute to Kristin Kreuk

Blame Hallmark's Snow White- I saw it for the first time yesterday, though I've known its existence for almost seven years, and reminded me of this amazing lady and why I should do another tribute to a celebrity to add color to this blog.

The woman I'm MOST jealous of in the entertainment industry.

She's such a gorgeous person, physically, that she looks ethereal. Think J.R.R. Tolkien's Elves, or Twilight vampires. At the same time, she's really down-to-earth, has a big heart and is fun. I have no idea how her personal life is, but the fact of the matter is Kristin Kreuk has that refreshing, exotic, otherworldly beauty that retains a lot of innocence. Even in her most daring photos she still looked perfectly sane; pure. Might just be in her facial expression, but it's still something that you rarely see in most known actresses.

Yes, I discovered those stuff from the media. No, of COURSE I have never met her (you'd know first thing, I'd probably faint if I did- I NEVER faint). Yes, her photos are probably airbrushed in some way.

And no. I still am- most definitely- straight.

Good Professor, Bad Professor...?

Image obtained from here

Refreshing as the match I had today with two men was (one decidedly agressive, the other a mild sideki- I mean, colleague- with a genuinely friendly and honest smile), I can't help but ponder upon the origins of the whole 'Good Q, Bad Q (where Q = certain applicable professions)' faced by a person under interrogation/interview.

Even in systems like these, humans have yet to fail themselves in trying to achieve equilibrium. Equilibrium for what actually? I have a couple of guesses:

1. The emotions of the interrogated/interviewee
2. The overall mood of the interrogators/interviewers
3. The balance of good and evil in a justice/education/anything-else-applicable system. Shame it doesn't work in politics with *cough*TheMightyTun*cough* some people.

Knowing that this was inevitable, though, I did my best to show my 'game face' to both, especially the 'Bad Q' since he seemed to demand it in large quantities. I pity the other interviewer; however, he asked me less than 30% of the total questions so I logically owe his colleague more eye-contact with each explanation.

Are the 'Good Qs' merely there to lighten the atmosphere and become some sort of sickly-sweet wallpaper inside a room filled with the terrible aura of the 'Bad Qs'?

So yeah. My Good Q of the day was one of those Exceptionally Good Qs, who seem to have nothing to say against you, never demoralize you and always smile when your eyes see his (seriously, Good Qs are almost always males). He even praised me when I felt like I was gonna slump on the floor with some of my explanations of my past failures. On the other hand, my Bad Q was one of those who goes all-out on his (this, more often than not, can be applied to 'her', but in my case it was the opposite- yay! Female Bad Qs are WAAAAY nasty and I know because I've been one =P) role, with the annoying (sorry but it was!) mock-thinking expressions after your questionable answers/statements, the sarcastic laugh, the taunting questions fired off one after the other like they were emitted from some sort of missile-question-gun, the goatee/beard/moustache stroke of 'questionable objections' (they were darn interesting though, and highly intriguing- one of the reasons I just couldn't keep my eye off his facial expressions). However, I DID say all-out and not Pure Evil- his 'meanness' didn't reach his eyes (thank God) and he turned out to be really cool by showing me to the main highlight of any medical school- the cadaver room!

So after a brief pause, I started firing questions when they gave the obligatory 'Do you have any questions for us?' and one of the ones I pressed upon was regarding the cadaver room and its 'inhabitants', since they're the life (pun intended) of any medical student's pre-clinical years. He gave me permission to sneak in, get a quick peek- there were three other groups of students in there clustered around three cadavers, each with a professor/lecturer rambling away- and was pleasantly surprised to see that the cadavers were very well preserved and in great condition! I received a few smiles from the other *FEMALE* seniors in the room (most of which, I'm pretty sure, were my age or younger- hardee har har) and went out of the room with sparkles in my eyes, a big grin and a bounce in my step, as if I was a child who had just walked out of Disneyland. 'Bad Q' asked me how it was and I relayed to him my thoughts of how nice the cadavers seemed and he went, 'Of course they are, they're DEAD!' in a loudish voice in the interview-waiting-lobby place, and I burst out laughing. The others waiting for their interview whipped their heads around at me, looking puzzled- and slightly mortified (since when have I been a big fan of puns?).

Lawl.

Oh. And they said the main faculties were moving out to a bigger (10x bigger, so it seems) campus later on! He said by the time I get to my faculty of choice after this *cough*gapyear*cough* it'd be done! Kudos to Good Q for answering most of the questions that seemed to tumble out of my mouth while Bad Q ominously tried to ignore me and laughed sarcastically when I didn't stop asking. I bet he was VERY relieved when I finally said 'Thanks for your time~!' in that sickly-sweet voice I always fail to subdue after a satisfying interview. For my part or theirs, it doesn't matter; any interview over and done with are satisfying, at least for a couple of days before you start going 'OMIGAWD I SHOULDA SAID THIS INSTEAD OF THAT!'

Well-preserved cadavers can really make one's day brighter. Heheh.

Face Your Freaking Fears!

It took place at the swimming pool of building P.

A wary lady casted both eyes out, scanning the large rectangular pool for her nieces. Both appeared to be enjoying themselves immensely at the shallow end whilst their swimming instructor, a middle-aged Chinese man, shouted tips at the advanced group who were freestyling back towards him from the other end. Laughter and chatter (in the form of screaming) above the sloshing sounds made by the advanced group filled the air. The lady stopped watching and turned her portable mp3 on, plugging in the earphones, blocking the background noise. Wary, that she was, but even more weary of the noise itself. She couldn't even fathom the real reason behind her irritability that day, casting 'that' time of the month as her prime suspect. Sighing slightly, she turned towards the mp3 player and began playing one of the boring games pre-installed in it to pass the time. Solitaire. Joy.

Suddenly, as if on some sort of unheard and unseen cue, she stopped the music and plugged the earphones out, glancing up from the mp3 player to be met with the sight of a young boy shrieking against the pull of two other young boys, who were apparently dragging him to the deeper end of the pool. She remembered the young boy as the one who had enquired her earlier as to the depth of the deeper end of the pool, the response of which was a mere smile. Of course, it's so deep you would drown, the smile said. The boy seemed to fathom and, edging excitedly while holding the edges of the pool, retreated to the shallow end.

And now he was shrieking and screaming as he was being dragged against his own will by two boys around his age to that very end he was avoiding.

Now this lady was intrigued. She had put stashed away her mp3 player but made no move to approach the boys, the shrieking one looking at her pleadingly, fear apparent in his eyes whilst his screams gradually increased in volume and shrilliness. Bemused, she raised her eyebrows, casting an eye to the other end of the pool. Despite its size, which she was sure wasn't that big for other people to have missed the scene playing out before her, the swimming instructor was minding his own business as he attempted to teach a five year old to kick his legs and float. The other kids were enjoying themselves and talking to one another, unaware as well. A few parents sitting at the opposite side of the pool were chatting animatedly and seemed engrossed in their own babble; the security guards who were around the pool just a few minutes earlier, vanished. All the while her ears picked up the conversation between the three boys.

'I DON'T WANNA GO THERE!' Eyes still locked at her, willing her to stop the boys terrorizing him.
'You little wimp, LOOK! People your age are already pros at this swimming thing! When the hell are you ever gonna learn?' The boy tugging him, snarling as he persisted in dragging the kicking, thrashing boy who struggled against his grip- all in vain.
'NO! It's deep! Please, please, let me-'
'LISTEN, you chicken! If we don't do this you won't ever learn! There's nothing to be scar-'
'LET ME GOOO!'

The lady shuffled her feet on the tile, yet her body made no move towards the protesting boy. At that instant, she knew she had no reason to worry. Sure enough, ten seconds later the two boys released the 'chicken' resignedly, shaking their heads, and the latter tearfully dragged himself away whilst holding on the edge of the pool for dear life. The 'pro group'of the swimming lesson swam past the scene obliviously, sloshing water all over the seemingly traumatized boy whilst his former captors began freestyling to the other end along with them. She smiled, more amused than encouragingly at the boy, before whipping out her mp3 player again.

Pieces

Tune: Pieces by Red


I'm here again, a thousand miles away from you
A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard, thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way


My beloved dearies... I feel torn-up. If I could mitigate this feeling, only by one-tenth of this sensation that it currently is, I would be at least 50% more satisfied with myself. Unfortunately, this is not the case; I have apparently run out of ways to... to make myself a more useful person where I am, at this very moment.

'Tis the side-effect of seeing human beings more efficacious (if this word even applies correctly), garnered by the world wide web... To say it's dispiriting is an understatement. All those achievements at such a young age, adept at utilising resources to the maximum potential... Earning money by four figures while I'm still here snivelling and dependent on my Dad's monthly allowance! I love my Dad for that. He says it's his responsibility until I get my own job; until I get a (hopefully decent) husband.

But these unbelievably inspirational people... they're already from well-off families, to put the icing on the cake. No, screw icing. How about some decorative form of marzipan? Because honestly, I've been told I should imagine I'm from a more unfortunate background to work myself that extra bit harder; to conceive the notion of struggling through everything just so I can escape the life that I already have. And there they are, on greener pastures yet still toiling like their lives depended on it...

I need my inspiration. My reasons for living, for pulling through the knee-deep mud field that life's difficulties are. As I am yet incapable of turning to God for the ultimate source of comfort without His worldly gifts for me, I instantly thought of the people who matter the most to me. Mom and Dad I've communicated with within this week. I still miss them a lot...

But I miss my adorable little brothers and sisters more, because I haven't even spoken to them for almost a month now. And it f**king sucks that I haven't even gotten their pictures to ease my heartache.

I settled with the next best thing- the most vivid memories I can conjure in my mind's eye. I need them all the more because going through turmoiled simply gives you more emo depth than normal circumstances would allow.


Then I'll see your face, I know I'm finally yours
I find everything I thought I lost before
You call my name, I come to you in pieces
So you can make me whole


My youngest brother coming back from school for the lunch break as I washed the dishes. Running to hug me from behind as I washed the plates contemplatively, staring out the window above the sink into the neat, grassy garden bordered by the white wall, beyond which the roof of the school building rose, seen between the trees lining the back wall. The doorbell chime ends to start again, letting in my youngest little sister in a flurry of soft curly hair and - and her most adorable babyjackets...

It is but the greatest irony how I find my youngest little sister at her cutest in her appropriately-named babyjackets, whilst my youngest little brother looks most precious in that oversized sweater of his. The attire that never failed them an extra long, extra crushing and most importanly very annoying hug from me.

In my mind's eyes I see them as 2-feet tall midgets- not in the deformed sense, but in the portrayal of how babyish I perceive them to be, even when they are only a few years shy of turning into teenagers.

My little baby angels are going to turn into teenagers.

It's a very disturbing fact that this fact is disturbing me so much.

But they still relent to my suffocating affection. Allow me that extra tight hug, those painful cheek pinches, my cooing over how cute they are (which should be hard, considering how they are too grown-up for my babyish cooings). I know they don't mind even if they constantly voice out otherwise because their eyes show that glimmer of affection back at me, as if they were fully comprehending their rarely-around eldest sister's need to... well, suffocate them with her 'limited edition' love.

I mean seriously. Why do I have to be so far away from them? More importantly, will I ever learn to cope with the distance?

... My youngest little sister's adorable demonstration of how the new weird-looking toaster works, complete with the final 'Ting!' and a 'Tadaa~!' that I torment her with every single day after that because it was so ethereally cute... And misleading. Of all of us, I have to admit that at her age, she shows the greatest promise of being The Responsible One, despite her kawaii-ness and totally childish crushes *snickers* DON'T TELL HER I SAID THAT!

... My youngest little brother's heart-swelling, butt-kicking athletic prowess which witnessed the downfall of each and every one of his other classmates on Sports Day (except for that Scottish kid with that annoying blonde mohawk who's a grade older than him and supposed to be in the other category, who pushed my brother 3 metres from the finish of the 400m run and succeded in making my brother land second place because he's about a foot taller and half a foot wider than my brother... right after that event he sat on the side of the track and complained of how badly his feet hurt, resulting in his non-participation in every event afterwards bar the final tug-of-war *cough*serveshimright!*cough*)

Then there are my already-teenage oldest little sister and oldest little brother. Annoying former, though we are so undeniably alike in numerous, surprising ways... And the best, most understanding teenage little brother any sister in the world can ever have.


I've come undone
But you make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in your eye


She's the annoying brat in the family, our very own drama queen, the FedEx member. She's beautiful but never seemed to indicate any sign that she realizes that, which is for the better. We pick on almost everything she does, with good reason; she tends to mess up just about everything!
... And yet our tastes just click. Proven most recently by the cash shop items chosen by me in a new private server MMORPG I've tried: after each item of my initial choosing my youngest little brother would (squeak) say 'But that's what she chose earlier', to my great consternation.
Not to mention her taste in girly books exactly match mine, a fact I still deny even as I sneakily snatch a book or two from the bookshelf in her room for some light late-night reading. I know she wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't give her the pleasure of knowing that I enjoy the same books as she does, no matter how partial her tastes are to mine. It's a weird sisterly love that I reserve specially for her. I definitely do not have the same fashion sense and conscience as she does though. And from what I can derive from my parents, our intelligence sets us apart the furthest. I take that as a compliment. Evil me.

He's my oldest friend within the family, the closest human being to me apart from my Mom. Possibly closer to me than my Mom. We share 97% or our secrets with each other, an almost-impossible feat for any other twenty-year-old sister and eighteen-year-old brother.
... In fact, he means so much to me I can't even begin to describe him. Ever so understanding, yet funny and annoying. Ever so caring, yet oblivious to our existence at times. So oblivious he incurs the wrath of T3h M1ghty Dadz0r almost every dinnertime during the weekends when he's home! Yet everyone loves him and it doesn't even spark the slightest bit of envy from me... Okay, it does sometimes, when Mom wouldn't quit talking about how perfect he is in her eyes. Despite the fact that she smothers him with a lot of attention, I could never induce vomiting for his part because...he deserves every usually-vomit-inducing part of the praises sung for him.


I tried so hard, so hard
I tried so hard


And no matter how much less I need to rely on their existence in my memories when they're not around, however hard I try...

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J- KENNY!

Kenny Sia is the most entertaining blogger ever.

I wasted hours of my time, precious time that could or SHOULD actually be spent doing more research on my upcoming interview, reading up on his old posts because he's just such an efficient blogger (in the sense that he blogs frequently, and have content-packed entries almost each time). I pity the fact that people seem to exert him to entertain them with his natural comedic(?) talent through his writings because I found his normal, heartfelt posts just as alluring, albeit in a more 'moral of the story' way. In fact, one of the reasons he (his blog, ultimately) appealed to me is because of the lessons in life that I could derive from his posts. Hidden behind his humorous remarks on daily happenings are things normal people should bear in mind, helpful hints with which we could, surely, live life that extra bit towards the fullest. Though his cultures and main beliefs are different from mine, meaning I can't do half the exciting stuff he gets to do, I find that his posts are more than enough to show me more of the world and its quirky, interesting and, inevitably, assy inhabitants. No, I do not mean babboons in this context- that was reserved specially for insufferable human beings. Plus, he seems like a very decent guy, all in all. He has a good set of brains in his noggin, but realizes the importance of not taking stuff too seriously when you don't need to, and is more corteous to others than he gives himself credit for.

Aaaanywho.

Wait a minute. That's all I have for today on how I'm feeling.

I'm so unimaginative.

Current Tune: I Will Love You by Yui

They're Gonna Do It All!

Building a beach in their backyard...

Giving a monkey a shower...

They're typical, if not some of the more mundane activities that two overly-imaginative kids get up to during their summer holidays!

Young children in school must be the luckiest beings on earth. They have no responsibilities whatsoever aside from doing their homework and the occasional chores, have easy school work and loads of free time and, best of all, a 104-day summer break! Being kids, it must be sort of overbearing to come up with ideas to make each day worthwhile (THAT'S how lucky they are)...

Which is what Phineas and Ferb are all about!

To all the overly-imaginative kids outside the cartoon realm, Phineas and Ferb may be the creative outlet needed to display all the ingenious planning in their minds on some of the wackiest summer holiday activities anyone can ever come up with! Bringing never-before-seen plans to zest up any boring summer day, Phineas is the big thinker, with his stepbrother, Ferb, as the genius who realizes his plans. From building large ice-cream machines to monster trucks that could convert into the family car in an instant, Ferb is the quiet yet highly intelligent inventor who seems to dwell in the shadow of his creative, more outgoing stepbrother Phil, and yet does not appear to mind. They have a pet platypus, Perry, which ALSO happens to be a secret agent with an evil arch-nemesis, Doofenschmirtz (I think). Phineas and Ferb think Perry is a mere platypus who does nothing at all and disappears almost everytime they come up with an ingenious activity ("Hey... where's Perry?"); boy, they've never been more wrong. While their plans are being realized, Perry is undercover, on his way to foiling yet another of the evil (yet surprisingly moronic and funny) genius Doofenschmirtz's plans to... overtake the world, I'm guessing. Doofenschmirtz's ebuln3ss makes Mojo Jojo seem like a terrorizing big-headed monkey- Err wait a minute, that sounds just about right when it's not supposed to be...

Anyway, behind every successful genius plan is a Thwarter, as I'd like to call it- a person with much more conservative (and undeniably more logical) views and reasonings; at least one person who wouldn't be stoked to see the plan realized. In this particular case, the Thwarter is Candace, their older, teenage sister whose only (may I say overused and unimaginative) move everytime seeing her brothers come up with something is to call their Mom. Being inside the typical cartoony world, she NEVER succeeded in showing their mother the true works of genius Phineas and Ferb manage to scheme everytime! I'm guessing their father is a wee bit on the clueless side- an artist- who appears very docile and harmless. He was even involved in their monster truck plan to help Candace gain her confidence in parallel parking. Candace happens to have a huge crush on this guy I can't remember the name of- he seems to be about the only thing that could distract her off of trying to tell on her brothers.

Their mother, Mom (she has no specific name that I know of) seems like the type of mother who can't sit still at home during her children's (presence!) summer holidays. She's always off to cooking class, at home playing cards with other moms while her children are out, doing grocery shopping while her children are having fun in their colossal backyard beach... though she seems like a decent enough mother. She is so used to Candace calling her during her activities and interrupting them that she gets insanely worried when Candace does not interrupt her at all and says that everything is fine while she's away, leading her to cut her current activity short to check up on them! That was what made me sure that she's a normal, caring decent Mom, despite her frequent absences around her children throughout the show.

And of course, there's Isabella- a very cute girl scout who, in my opinion, fancies Phineas, and thus is always around to help him realize his plans with her girl scout skills and, when necessary, friends. She's always calling him up to ask him on his most recent activity with a casual "Whatcha doooing?" and of course, always gets to join in the fun! One of her most notable (if not plausible- but what cartoon show would hit it off with kids if it were plausible?) contributions to Phineas and Ferb's plans has got to be leading her other Girl Scouts members as their pit crew when both boys decided to join in a car racing competition (may I just add, the girls made a kick-ass pit crew!).

If it ain't apparent enough yet, I love this show. Phineas and Ferb, though portrayed as big thinkers and always doing stuff that are not advisable to kids their age (or even anyone without some uber architectural and engineering skills, for that matter), are actually very nice kids who never fail to be polite to their friends and family and always think of other people to include in their fun. They share their temporary inventions with other people, are never bitter on Candace for her usual 'Ooh, I'm telling Mooom!' and never refuse to help other people. 'Sides, their show is fun without the stupidity- like most of the stuff Cartoon Network had to offer. I thought Cow and Chicken and I M Weasel are the worst cartoon shows on earth for kids. Boring and sort of vulgar. Not to mention Sheep in the Big City, Mike, Lu and Ogg, Ed, Edd and Eddy and others of the like. About the only cartoons I liked from Cartoon Network are the classic ones like Tom and Jerry and Courage the Cowardly Dog.

Phineas and Ferb are on Disney Channel here and over in RT.
So that puts Fairly Odd Parents, of Nickelodeon, on the second spot of my favorite cartoons list!

And may I just note that anime *squeal!* is in NO WAY related to the genre of cartoons asides from the fact that they are both in 2D and for most of the time, highly colourful and non-realistic.

PIE..!

I effing need you...

Highlight of the Day

I would do almost anything, it seems, to get to my ultimate since-childhood calling of becoming a doctor.

Including repeating a foundation year with kids (excuse me- YOUNG ADULTS) two years younger than me.

The things we do for love...

Let this be an ample lesson for me not to screw around and to change my way of life!

On one hand, I'm sad to be leaving my friends of almost two years. On the other, a good change of environment may be exactly what I need to progress from my current state of mind and body. I do not think I am wasting a total of three years' worth of my life- rather, I'm excited and curious to see how things turn out.

Hopefully otou-san takes this lightly. He can't be too pleased that I'm joining my brother in The Academic Lagfest *sigh*

Of BN Hats and PAS Kopiahs

The title itself seems derogatory, but it seems they are able to belong in one place- just as anything in this world that are, seemingly, mortal enemies. Of course, as this blog is titled, anything other than God is ephemeral before the day of judgement- and that may, of course, refer to mortal enmity, if such a phrase ever existed. I ain't ever sure of my usage of words no more (Heck, even the former sentence is derogatory)!

So once upon a time, a man in his fleeting forties decided to do just that- unite two things that seem to squabble at each other in their inanimate form and be okay with it all. He wore a BN hat to his golfing activities, to the dismay of his fellow PAS colleagues and at the end of the week attended a tazkirah session complete with a jallabiyya and a PAS kopiah, to the surprise of his BN colleagues. When I asked how that worked out, he merely shrugged. 'I like the BN hat, and I like the PAS kopiah', he dismissed, completely at ease with his decisions. I had to laugh.

Radical supporters (or less, if that be the case) would probably jeer at this man from over here. But that's where the simplicity of such actions become obvious- overseas, people are less aware and fanatic of the political situations, however much they support one party and keep up with the latest news through online newspapers or phone calls made by relatives. It's so much easier not to bother with a situation when you're that far from it, no matter how concerned you may get with news and headlines of violence and neverending disagreements between the two sides. It's sheer bliss, if you ask me. You wouldn't be coerced into giving your opinions to a seemingly neutral person who might bite your head off if you decide to voice out completely different thoughts to what that person may think is true. It's simpler and causes less unneeded hassle. Besides, why should we fight one of our own? It's illogical, that's a fact I have no need to point out. However, the fragile beings that we are ourselves find it hard to govern our actions without being affected by emotions and personal needs. It's the singular trait that defines us as humans.

So let's imagine this: Remember the story of the king and the conman who had wittingly succeeded in making him believe that a magical thread detectable by smarts existed, and can be fashioned into the most beautiful garment? Let's say, in this particular story, that the king has been very effective in developing his country and loved by almost all who had witnessed how great of a country he made during his reign of supreme over the years- it would be the only explanation why so many were wont to believe the same lies the king has been deceived with, since he had their trust and almost anyone trusts his judgement. EVEN if that particular judgement may seem foolish. To the people who adore and respect this king, who had eased their lives by providing them better and more numerous jobs, thus improving their lifestyle, his word is like that of God- it is irrefutably true. So much easier to believe as they've been in the country, gone through the changes and believed everything the king has said, never having left the country to explore and gain more knowledge of the outside world.

Then along came a boy, ten years old at the most, seeing this king everyone's been talking about on his visit home (his family, the rarer kind of the citizens of that country, are travellers and explorers)- and he cannot believe his eyes! Why is The Great King everyone's been talking about prancing about naked? SURELY they cannot believe that a garment can be fashioned out of such impossibly magical threads! And, being the sharp, quick-witted boy, he spoke the real truth- revealing the fact of the matter, that even a king is prone to human mistakes. As everyone present abruptly break out of their stupor and realize the truth in this child's words, and the foolishness that they have been committing, the king, realizing he had revealed his vulnerability and being the human that he is, started to hold a grudge against this boy.

As is prone to the elderly, this grudge does not disappear quickly. The king used everything under his power to make this child miserable throughout his life, and with each attempt realizes how clever the child is, foiling his every plan to do so. Accusations were thrown of lies and usury as this child struggles to claim his birthright- the right to govern people with his vision and profound knowledge of what's right and what's not. The ultimate battle of wits came when the child, now an adult, was destined to face the Crown Prince to fight for the role of the army general- a fight for the trust of the majority of the soldiers.

The king has never lost throughout his life, and had made an impression on the people. However, as years go by, more and more of his citizens grew wary of the king's continued actions and statements against the promising youth, who, outside the rumour mills, seemed quite a decent man. The battle came, and this youth, aided by his confident demeanour and easily approachable leadership, won the majority! The Crown Prince was left to wallow in his incompetence, at the very least in the eyes of his own father. Putting on a brave face, he faced the country still, managing to wrangle a high position in the High Council instead (aided and abetted by his father, of course).

I feel sorry for the youth. All that promise, winning a battle only to have realization dawn upon him that the king is yet to throw more manure in his face in the battles yet to come. And all because of what? A silly old grudge that an old man cannot seem to handle! It's sad, since both are supposedly rooting for the same cause- trying to bring greater good to the people in the country- and yet we, as humans, no matter how kingly, cannot bear the fact that someone might topple us off the top- even for the better.

In the end, the king should realize that only God is permanent and governs all. The king will leave the earth someday, definitely leaving his mark; and given all that he's done, he should realize that everything good he has achieved can easily be wiped out by an overwhelming amount of unsightly residues of his dirty games. If anything, the old man should realize that at one point or the other he will have to relinquish his power to someone more worthy. He should probably let the process come naturally and not try to 'botox' his reign into the country, lest the people start seeing through his facade.

Mati Ye (Dia) Syndrome

Mati Ye (Ye being the substitue word for dia) Syndrome is defined as the act of constantly giving reasons/excuses for not doing something for the sole purpose of not wanting to do it. It is an inside joke referring to 'heavy boneness'- in essence, it's actually referring to laziness.

Laziness itself has a wide scope. Procrastinating, running away from matters at hand, or even what you initially consider as fear itself, may actually be an indication of laziness simmering underneath your lack of actions. Frankly speaking, I've known only a handful of people who haven't showed the slightest sign of being lazy. Obviously, I'm not one of them, which is why I can write such elaborately convincing topics on the whole matter, and actually inspire such a unique name for something so... drab, so common. Being the inspiration for something inherently makes you think of a role model of said realized inspiration. And in this case, I truly feel like a role model of laziness.

Do I feel lazy?

I most certainly do not. Be it the case of utter stupiditis, denial syndrome or God-knows-wtfery of a fancy name that I have the ability to concoct, I have conviction that I am not lazy. The only logical reason (again with the reasoning and excusing), I would surmise, why one of my most beloved persons is calling me thus is because said person has not seen me in such a long time and is still reminiscing on the old times, i.e my 8-year-old ratty self, and associating that image with my current actions. Said person still remembers my late-noon morning rise-and-shine routines all those years ago, which happens only on specific days and at specific places. What the person doesn't know is the fact that I do almost all my evasive maneuvers to avoid seeing the faces of people I-have-no-idea-in-my-heart-why I can't face, and, if my unusual sleeping habits are accountable for said 'mornings', I do what I thought works in making myself more of a productive member of society. Which, apparently, isn't the case. It takes a girl a while to learn and earn her own lessons.

I DID mention earlier that conviction, more often than not, leads to stubbornness.

So I can probably blame my innate sense of 'stubbornity' for my actions now.

Which leads me back to proving my most unfortunate demise of being a bearer of the infamous Mati Ye Syndrome.

It's funny how I end up thinking I've reasoned some matters and abruptly realize that my 'flawless logic' is on a spherical track, leading me straight back to where I've started. Had I stopped earlier I would've stopped the course and proved myself right, at least for part of the journey. The unquenchable thirst of getting myself to the end, however, hastily pushes me forward to my inevitable ending, one I've foreseen SO many times and yet never seem to grasp. One I delusionally thought I could escape from, but always fail doing so. Another path charted on my perfect little sphere of delusions, whereupon each path, led by my bluntness, never stray from its course- Always going the straight way, plundering through marked paths of aforetimes, to reach its final destination. Its initial destination. The starting point.

I sometimes wonder why it is that my head spins with anticipation, words tumbling out of my consciousness, when I'm arguing something passionately with someone. My vision becomes blurry, ears ringing, orientation somewhat deteriorating. The inability to concentrate, the heave of the stomach... a familiar sense of being spun around too many times on a swivel chair. I now realize that my body is doing what I subconsciously think of my reasoning- it's actually going around in a circle.

My most beloved people are telling me to do a 180. To change my lifestyle. And to do that, I will be forced to change the essence of everything that made my lifestyle what it is-

I have to change me.

So Long...

It takes one strike.
Not two. Not three.
A single resounding clash of ball against strong wood gone.
No tries or chances,
SURELY you've had practice...?
Understand that we need the utmost single accuracy
the thunderous impact of wood and leather.
Above the fence! Even better
NEVER a mistake, NOT another
Pitch.

No glitch.
No technical error
behind this screen, gone blank
still as water; lurking crocodiles.
Meant there, so it was
An unspeakable atrocity
Covered up as 'Fate'
that soon, you will appreciate.

It was no mistake on my behalf;
No excuse that you would have;
Undecided, the last laugh;
yours or mine we both would starve

Decimated; burning true,
Blazing fires- not red, but blue,
THEY won't know just what to do;
No one else but me...
And you.

Adieu.

ARGH

I'm leaving already and there is absolutely no need for me to express how depressed I am again- but yet again, I'm writing merely for the sake of writing over here, at home, for the last time in the next 6 or 7 months.

I miss this place already!



When will I not look forward to going home?

Awakening

When I close my eyes
To this paradox place
I'll fly away
Far away from here
I get away and dream
Dream of you

When it's all said and done
And the night has come
I'll disappear
Take flight on the wind of wishing you were here
Fading light
Like a star whose life has been gone for years

And I'll fly
Fly across the sky
And I'll leave
Leave it all behind
If you'll be here
Here with me tonight
I'll be fine

Performed by Mae

=O

Way off track

Driving the golf cart isn't half as exhilarating as a quadbike, but still has its cons. For one, it resembles more of a car so it should give me more expertise on driving a car. Unfortunately, it doesn't provide confidence as much as it provides experience.

Disagreeable treaties

Marshmallows are weird things. You could look at them and feel like barfing one day, and the next be craving them like nobody's business. I have devoured almost 20 pieces of sweet, puffy white gelatinous goodness only this morning and still want more. Could be the effect of microwaving them. I don't know. Next experiment: place one on top of a Galaxy chocolate and see how things turn out. I'm betting on the innovation of a tasty new treat unbeknownst to me!

Flies are annoying... What?

Has it really been ten days? It seems unfair when you consider the velocity of time against fun, cherishable moments. Of course no form of Physics graph would correspond to that particular statement but it's still ridiculous. Why can't the time with loved ones last as long as boring lectures of the same period?

And I styled my brother's hair for his trip back across the sea... (Lol I just had to write that so I'd remember what kind of mess I made)

Treating yourself to two ice creams and eating them while being driven around in a golf cart by a maniacal brother ain't recommended anymore. ESPECIALLY when he insists on being fed with HIS ice cream. While driving. Possible consequences:

1. Crashing into the pavement
2. Crashing into a woman on her bike
3. Crashing into another car- parked and obviously unmoving

All of which were within a few seconds of occurring.

I wish my brain could take pictures of those moments that you couldn't actually snap with normal cameras and display them whenever I want them displayed- at least in my mind's head.

The only downside is constantly getting chores, but that in itself is still fun!

Brownie-making time!

Motto!

As in, Japanese for 'more'.

My newest anime obsession, though it's almost 5 years old already:

GAKUEN ALICE!

It's about a special school/government research facility in Japan for special children/teenagers with special abilities, revolving around a 10 year old (I think) girl, Sakura Mikan, who is a bit on the airheaded side but determined and loyal nonetheless. It starts when her best friend, Imai Hotaru, a seemingly cold, money-centric yet unbelievably kind and thoughtful genius left their school in the village to pursue her studies in a special school in Tokyo. Unable to let her go, Mikan decides to look for Hotaru in the city, with the help of a postcard, on which the view outside Hotaru's window is depicted. When she reaches the school, she was obviously unable to enter- but an unexpected turn of events involving a strange, cat-masked boy with fire powers and an apparently 'perverted' male teacher abruptly allowed her to see Hotaru- by entering the school! Mikan has no idea how her world would change in a school that made the extraordinary seem ordinary...

As expected of me, I finished the whole anime series (26 episodes in total) in less than two days. Even though the story revolves around a child, I loved it regardless- probably because it resembles Harry Potter and X-Men with a light-hearted, anime spin. Trying to read the manga but, as usual, it is proving to be a pain in the butt- waiting for pages to load and not being able to turn the pages... Eurgh. I would feel better if I downloaded it; unfortunately I can't find the zip file anywhere.

And so, the holidays are flashing past me in a flurry of eating festivities and chaotic Midgie events. To my surprise (and dismay) I find it hard to stay up at night, the way I usually 'roll' during the past holidays- come 8 p.m my eyelids are already starting to lower their anchors, ready to dock on the Sea of Purple Pillows- thus limiting my gaming, online-chatting, anime-watching time. PRECIOUS time before the academic year kicks in again.

My body is taking revenge on the past sleepless nights!

WHYY???!

Oh well. Lol, it has to be a good sign, finally getting the right amount of sleep at the RIGHT TIME. The whole point of holidays!

My brother should be returning today; if he is, I will look forward to driving the golf cart around the compound, hopefully without any serious injuries, mechanical or otherwise! Nyahahaha!

Currently singing: Garden of Everything by Maaya Sakamoto feat. Steve Conte

Here We Are

I woke up to find myself on a big, fluffy bed, drooling on one of six pillows strewn around my head.

A perk of one ear indicated the very much welcome sound of a woman waking me up. Hold on... that's my MOM.

... And those giggling voices are my SISTERS. Preparing for school, on a Saturday...?

No wait a sec. Of course. I'm HOME!

A promise of a nice refreshing walk around the compound turned stale as I helped my excited, beloved mother chop beef (always a great early-morning exercise) for a curried lunch. I explored more of the ever-blossoming gardens around the house, courtesy of Mother Greenfingers, before sweeping the newly-made treehouse and swinging on a blue swinging bench, one of my favorite highlights of the grounds. I'd forgotten to check if the flowers on the path crossing the front yard, dubbed the PGL Path, actually bloomed in the mornings- all was lost to a box of banana milk and some seriously retarded karaokeing.

This early? Of course ^^

There's no place like home, even if going on the internet means squishing myself between a stinky just-woken-up brother (hehehe) and a standing fan, with no apparent use right now- I mean, the weather's freezing to me. It's like 15 degrees! A few years ago that would've been pleasant...

And adorable not-so-little-anymore brother is viewing a selection of anime screenshots. Just like the usual.

A long-arse, tiring transit and some seriously slow, loud immigration officers vanished from my thoughts as I arrived, half confused, looking around to be startled by three weird figures - one tall and two midget-like- running towards me full speed. On midgetkin carried a bouquet of two roses (can that even be considered a bouquet?) and the other a blue bag. I almost shouted with relief.

My beloved Dad, the best Dad in the world, with my adorable sister and brother, a pair out of two. My heart exploded with affection. All exhaustion and former irritation disappeared as a huge grin made its way to my face. That, in itself, was worth all the trouble and exhaustion for the past 18 hours, the reason I coped with every unpleasant person I've encountered.

And now goat-like bro goofs with one of my favorite Breaking Benjamin tune.

There is, indeed, no place like home.

Happy Square Root Day!

If you're wondering what in the name of feck that is...

03.03.09 --> 03 x 03 = 09

Mmkay? ^^ And it's awesome coz we won't be getting another one until April 4th, 2016.

So, Happy Square Root Day!

I wonder if your mathematical abilities increase on this day... =/

Good to Go

Plastic bags filled with an assortment of oddbits litter the room, while in a corner sat a green box filled to the brim with trash, one-third of which is composed of used tissues. On a still-covered bed, a girl's nose runs freely as she tries to stem the flow with more tissues. The plastic bag full of junk food ruffles slightly in front of her and she glances, again, at a bar of chocolate, feeling guilty but gluttonous at the same time. She hesitates momentarily before reaching out and grabbing the white-and-red wrapped ephemeral delight, only to set it down next to her as she occupies herself with her laptop.

Writing about this.

I am 87% packed and ready to go. Looking at the pile of two weeks' worth of unwashed clothes, I began to wonder if the laundry place near my aunt's house would be able to have them ready by tomorrow.

I can't say I'm missing this place already, because truth be told, I don't. I probably miss my friends and the memories we had here, but not the room in itself - although I think I do appreciate the view from the window I've had for the past four months or so of my stay here. I really would miss the relatively clean toilets here as well. I think I would miss the fact that I have a double mattress for staying in a room with only one other room mate for a room made for four people. I would miss the space and privacy.

You know what? I guess I will miss this place after all.

But I would never long for it as much as I long to go home.

I'm writing this solely for the sake of blogging for what would be the last time in this room 'cause I'm just a sap like that. Oh and by the way, I finished watching the whole VK series that I have just obtained from a friend!

I nodded off quite a bit two episodes to the end because I was hella tired but I made it. I stowed away my precious external HDD to easy my last-minute packing process later, but I still have internet, which is always good =)

Can't wait to get back home and spend time with the family!

Yayz!

Yay! Throw out the streamers, blow all the horns, 'cause I'm officially EXAM-FREE!

For the next two months or so anyways.

But let's not dwell on details shall we? I have a VK marathon (I've read all the manga but never had time to watch the anime) to attend, and possibly about 30 other anime/J-Drama to watch over the course of the next few months... or weeks.

And of course, how could I forget my family, whom I will be seeing in about 3 days (3 days! OMG!) and my lovely, LOVELY home beside the sea...

Great, another 'Store Key' announcement. Oh well. I have the delicious vampires to watch now, gotta dash! =)

*Hums a merry tune*

Sometimes... Feelings Die

I got mad.

I vented, a bit. Compared to many that I know of, I must say I don't vent out my anger that much by blogging. But I did... And I'm not that proud of it.

I'm dealing with the frustration quite well, and that's fair, seeing the amount of comfort *cough*JUNK*cough* food I've been consuming these past few days. There's also the music.

I reflected. Of course, I pondered upon the fact that it would not have happened if it wasn't partly my fault, whatever it was. That got me thinking if I was angry because I blamed the other party entirely. So that made me less mad because if I still stayed mad it would make me much more of a selfish person (Reasoning makes me sound like a 5-year-old; could it be that I'm taking the 'If you understand something you should be able to explain it to a 5-year-old' saying too seriously?)

I cried it out. One is allowed to release one's sadness, right? Just because I cried it out to a sole, close person doesn't make me a bitch. I may have shed tears in front of others but no names were mentioned, no clue at all. Just sorrow which was unfortunate enough to show itself after being crushed by anvil after anvil of life's difficulties. Being the frail, not-that-close-enough-to-God-to-be-patient-with-His-mysterious-ways kind of girl, I broke down. Not that much of a shocker. But I'll have you know I don't spread stories and rumors. If you feel like I have, it's probably the guilt surfacing- and that's totally understandable. Yes I am being slightly bitter, but it's still comprehensible.

And no, anger doesn't really equate to frowns and bitchings, though it may for some. I'm only stating the truth here- when you do something it doesn't mean others believe it's the right thing, even if they seek deep enough in their hearts. When you believe in something that much it's called conviction, and from The Fantasy's weird dialogue at the beginning of the song, conviction can make one impossibly hard-headed. Like I have conviction that God exists, and I can't believe anyone in their right minds would think otherwise; Nothing you say could convince me otherwise. See? Conviction.

I'm a sensitive person- I cry, and I suppose that shouldn't make me a bad person. But I don't have conviction in that, which is- literally- a crying shame.

P/S: I finished reading all the VK manga that's been released so far! Moe-ness!

Short Reality Un-Check!

Say hi to Ichijou Takuma, a noble-class vampire who also happens to be an embodiment of Prince Charming - corteous, well-mannered, hardworking and, of course, charming. He's my anime character of the month! I've actually liked him for months now, even before the anime came out (I didn't know he was blonde then, since manga is b&w and he doesn't adorn the covers as far as I'm concerned, which is a crying shame). I always thought he was the most appealing Night Class attendant.

But anyway, fellow VKers would probably ask, 'Why not Kuran Kaname? or Zero?' Well why the bloody hell not not them? I do have quite a huge-ass crush on Kuran Kaname, but unless you're not a girl (or a guy with that preference) and a huge fan of Zero, who doesn't? He's like... rice to most Asian people, as he is to most female (and a few male) VKers- we gotta have him! Then there's the main dish accompanying that, and mine just so happens to be Ichijou-senpai. Yay!

ANYWAYS, he's like Tamaki from Ouran, but more elite (yes, REALLY) and less nonsensical. I'm guessing for a human, Tamaki is as heroic as he is- Ichijo just doesn't do as many idiotic things as Tamaki. Plus, if they were to meet in anime world I'm pretty sure a lot of people would say they're long-lost twins!

Vampire Knight is just full of fantastic non-existent eye-candy...

Is Ichijo really one of the tallest? I thought it was Akatsuki... Apart from the overlapping feet, this person has done a great job assembling all the characters who matter in one picture!

Back to reading. Unbelievable.

THE CAKE IS A LIE !!1!1

Internet Memes

New term for the day! I would love to write more stuff about Maths, which is what I'm taking a break from now, but that isn't new, and kills the whole point of a break. So anyways, quoting Wikipedia (gotta love Wikipedia):

An Internet meme is simply the propagation of a digital file or hyperlink from one person to others using methods available through the Internet (for example, email, blogs, social networking sites, instant messaging, et cetera). The content often consists of a saying or joke, a rumor, an altered or original image, a complete website, a video clip or animation, or an offbeat news story, among many other possibilities. An Internet meme may stay the same or may evolve over time, by chance or through commentary, imitations, and parody versions, or even by collecting news accounts about itself. Internet memes have a tendency to evolve and spread extremely quickly, sometimes going in and out of popularity in a matter of days. They are spread organically, voluntarily, and peer to peer, rather than by compulsion, predetermined path, or completely automated means.

To put it simply, let's hand out some examples of famous memes you're bound to have come across sometime before. Some may be stills of a video, but they illustrate the... thing... that they're supposed to be.

Chris Crocker's 'Leave Britney Alone' video... Lol, I have yet to see the full thing.

The concept of getting RickRoll'd (I still don't get it!)

Lol-rus?

He's supposed to move, but I can't find a .gif of one

LEEEEEEROOOOOYYYY JENKINS! My personal fave ;)

The O RLY? Owl

Lolcatz, probably one of the most varied memes of all time- and the cutest!

So there you have it; a few examples of internet memes. I'm not sure if Philip DeFranco's an internet meme, but that would be so awesome. Even if he has a girlfriend already.

Oh and I'm now addicted to Shaycarl and his family! They're hilarious!

Basically, these, bar the screamers, are all that I do when I'm on one of my 'breaks'. I've become quite the YouTube addict, but only when it comes to viewing. For more reasons than necessary I do not 'YouTube' in the sense that I upload home-made vids or VLogs- I mean, why would I? Blogging can be quite a handful in itself. Either that or I now officially suck at typing my heart out.

More blogs with essence and meaning after February, I guess =)

Over and Out

w00T! Goodbye Physics!

In the spirit of knowledge, I should not be saying that because Physics is literally everywhere and should remain close at heart but seriously, who would believe me if I said I 'feel' that?

I'm gonna have some celebratory cake and continue with the rest of revision.

My throat itches...

Tattooes Gone Physical

Thank you Google Images~!

If I got some temporary tattooes like that with more functional Physics equations (a.k.a those that're sure to pop up in the exams this Monday), wouldn't that just be swell? Like, the promo for these temporary removable tattooes, depicting Physics and Mathematical (and possibly other subjects) formulae would be: Cheating Made Easy - Cheat Without Paper! Use Tattooes!

Then of course, they would gain notoriety in less than a fortnight, and responsible people would get a whiff of them, track them down, sue them and force them to close down.

Nothing worth it is ever easy ^^

More Emotional Posts... Yay!

Mom called me again and told me that she was praying for my success in the exams, as she constantly does. Yes, I'm studying and yes, I'm trying my best. Case in point, I'm staying up! Of course, that's a little unfair because I'm nocturnal anyway. But that doesn't matter to Mom; what matters is I'm studying hard and trying my best!

Anywho, as she was talking I was all 'Mom, Mom,' to which she was like 'Yes dear?' and I was all...
'When you pray for me, do you ask God to make me a doctor... or just make me successful in anything I end up doing?'

She told me what I wanted to hear.

And I feel tons better right now, and can face Physics with a smile on my face.

Thank you God, for my wonderful Mom and family.

I can almost cry now lol :)

We Are

We're a bunch of moronic idiots in many moments of our lives. Yeah you would say 'But who are YOU to judge how WE are in our lives?' and my answer would probably be 'Sod off- you moronic buffoons are obviously in denial.'

No, I'm not pissed and letting my emotions speak for me.

Maybe a bit.

Alright, maybe a LOT.

But I'm guessing it's fine. Because I had a nice, literally flowery post before, so now I'm gonna be the evil person I've been feeling since two days back. Because I found out that I was right (yet again) and it wasn't something I wanted to be right about. WHY can't I be right at something I WANT to be right at? Like, oh I dunno, PHYSICS maybe?

Maybe they're right, I should've taken Psychology. Or English Lit. Whatever it is, it seems I have a knack of sniffing out what people think before someone else decides to spill the beans to me. Though that in itself makes me look like a paranoid the first few days, it's always worth the knowledge that I was right when the truth is squeezed...

Not really. It only makes me feel worse. And it's doubly worse because the moment I get the feeling I already feel bad for thinking of something so negatively; THEN I feel bad because the thing that I thought was right was actually true, and that, instead of making my conscience feel at ease, does not even begin to take the initial guilt away; instead, it piles up.

And I do not need to be reminded of how easily I get affected by negative vibes.

I'm guessing those involved won't be reading this, but I wish you guys had more tact. Because honestly, you were keeping it from me all this time and for what? To clue me in freaking 5 days before my most terrible exam? Was that part of the plan, to make me FREAKING PHAIL?

And just as I typed that a loud-ass thunder rumbled outside. Heaven knows how pissed I am and I'm not even sure if that's a good thing.

*deep breaths*

Lord, grant me patience. Ameen.

February Song

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find my ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
'Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes

Sung by Josh Groban

The Birthday Month

Happy Birthday Y'all... :)

Magnetic Repellent

It's a world of science. In this ephemeral world, we are governed by many strict laws that, God willing, never change, in their course along with the flow of Time. Millions of years have nothing on these rules; many biologists claim that evolution exists (and I do believe some lifeforms evolved, only with the will of God, but not in the sense that we evolve from monkeys), which means the biological forms and rules for many lifeforms do not necessarily adhere to them forever. As much as I like studying this branch of science, it's constantly evolving, as are the creations of God- the universe as a whole.

Expansions and their coefficients drive me nuts. I'm pretty sure the expansion of the universe has some sort of a coefficient as well, a concept which I can't seem to wrap my head around, naturally, not being a superhuman with the elasticity of a rubber band, or a brain with the capacity to accommodate ideas like that- Which is probably why I have a problem with Physics as much as I do now.

I love science, I really do, and that means all three branches of it- theoretically, anyway. Back in elementary years I loved everything scientific in all my classes: the discussions, the experiments, the textbooks... everything. Then high school rolled by and my thirst of Science, which, by then, branches into the three different fields that we are all very familiar of- Chemistry, Physics, and my personal favourite, Biology- cannot be satiated by the textbooks, or amount of lecturing done, albeit the fact that I was more than a little exhausted trying to grasp Chemistry at first (all those fascinating atomic equations!). That, accompanied by the different accents of teachers each year proved not to be an educational process that happened easily, as I'm no genius, unlike many of my friends over here. And the distractions that weaved in between the years of high school student life! There were friends to talk incessantly with, gossips to be listened to, places to be something in, and of course, the inevitable crushes to be stal- *coughs* ogled at. Don't even begin to mention internet and the Glorious Grand World of MMORPGs... Yet none of these were matters of that great of an importance- at least to me, which probably gave me the undeserving 'School Genius' title- as my studies, specifically the sciences. Doing well and having more fun in English classes never quite made me as pleased with myself as struggling with new scientific formulae and terms.

Years went by, crushes and friends dissipated and disappeared to foreign countries- some lost forever, others becoming awkward strangers as the swells of Time engulfed familiar memories in the harsh, freezing-cold waters of Forgottance. Yet knowledge stays the same. The chemical formulae remained where they belong- in the books and the dusty passages of the brain, locked up by the months-long stretch of holidays, to be uncovered only by the keys held by random visits of those that sent them there in the first place- books. What are the odds of that happening during the celebratory holidays when one's high school reign ends? Not much, and as time passed by, the doors and locks became stronger and stronger, and the cries and pleadings of these precious, ebbing members of Knowledge began to ebb away. Some say they were never eliminated, waiting for the right moment to escape the prisons of Ignorance and roam free yet again in the halls of the mind. Others say they were overwhelmed by newer, unnecessary knowledge of current happenings and fickle daily matters, which, in such large numbers, eliminated them once and for all from their prisons. I'd like to believe the former as I started college life, and, holding on to that, made a personal promise to my Once Cherished and Beloved memoirs.

Here I am. I've released some, and in the process held many, MANY more captive. Unfortunately, my capturing of these always alluring, never alluding prisoners would seemingly have no end and continue to increase in the next decade or so, and most of their escapes, aided and abetted by me, proved to be futile.

My strongest prison walls seem to hold the Physics members captive. Possibly due to the lack of good teaching strategies and an abundance of weird lilting accents, and most definitely the complexity of Mathematics that accompanied them, these captives remain in what seems to be the Guantanamo Bay of my brain. And yes, I am aware of the fact that the current president of the United States of America banished that facility recently, but that does not keep me or the rest of the world from referring to it as one of the worst detention facilities that have existed in the modern world.

I'm trying to release them, once and for all. I'm pretty sure no one has ever done such a feat, but it seems wrong for such beneficial, innocent matters to be held captive in such a way by weak, fickle prisonguards for the mere reason of being outnumbered! One may say that this is the natural course of things, but I also believe that it's the natural course of things to learn and retain every moment of life, which is why we only use around 3% of our brain's potential. The rest MUST have been made for retaining stuff. And, like all mysteries of the universe, there has to be an ultimate solution of unlocking that, which we have yet to find out.

Currently, I will be more than satisfied just to release some of these newfound facts for the duration of four days, in time for them to do some good in my finals.

Lord Almighty, help me in my noble quest...

Happy Birthday... Are You Lonely Yet?

I am 20.

God. I'm actually closer to 20-and-a-day.

And I love my friends. Really. Because up until now I've had two surprises, one pre- and one on my birthday.

Granted it hasn't been the most smashing week of my life, if not literally, if you take into account the amount of time I spend wavering between this realm and the next but yeah. I have some wonderful people to thank for some seriously good moments to remember in -bleeep-. And, more importantly, some SERIOUSLY good food. Of course, one may want to assume that it is very fickle of me to regard food as a matter outweighing precious moments in themselves but hey, food lasts as long as a moment but tends to be more satisfying... in that moment anyway. And what do moments do, pray tell?

Make us weepy and mushy in our times of reminiscence, that's what. So it's hardly worth the time debating whether scrumptious, delectable food that do not really stick to your conscience should be appreciated more than moments. Which also need great food to complement them fully as a moment worth remembering anyway. But of course, one tends to get carried away with one's own opinions; there are many that I know of who regard food as simply... food. A four-lettered word with hardly no insight whatsoever other than providing the required nutrients we need to be nourished, healthy and possibly live longer. I envy these people, but more often than not pity them. I also do respect their opinions and hear their side, but of course, in Lavland it's *almost* all about the food =)

Which is why I'm writing about food more than what matters most when it comes to birthdays- deeper insights on things that matter most pertaining to a supposedly higher depth of maturity that comes with the process of aging. Other than puberty, however, I have yet to see solid proof that our brain cells conduct our actions in a more 'adult' manner as the clock chimes at midnight, announcing the exact anniversary of our arrival those few precocious years ago. Frankly, we should all agree that aging comes with experience, and not age.

I love birthdays in the sense that with modern technology and the coming of better and more developed ways to communicate with one another across the world, we who have the resources to do so, have a valid reason to contact ones who have been separated and discommunicated with us from years ago... out of awkwardness or lack of subjects to bring up in conversations, for the most part. A simple 'Happy Birthday!' on the Facebook wall could trigger a LOT of memories, leading to a deluge of questions and a barrage of back-and-forth comments that effectively reconnect old ties in an indirectly less awkward situation. Thus birthdays are a fine time to say 'hi' to an old friend of yours you've been dying to hear more of but are too clueless to bring something up with. And that is a truly remarkable gift that need not be sent to you in glossy wrapping paper or with an accompanying slice of cake (though that DOES sound better) for you to appreciate.